Every year, Americans spend over $6 billion on Halloween. While $2 billion of that is on candy, just as much is spent on costumes. So, it’s no surprise that the industry comes out with new Halloween costumes every year, with plenty of ideas plucked right out of popular media. But along with some pretty great costumes that make their debuts, there are also less desirable and downright horrible costumes that make the rounds as well. With Halloween just around the corner, I’ve decided to compile lists of the best and worst new Halloween costumes making their debut this year. Let’s start with the worst new women’s costumes.
10. Crayola Glitz Crayon
As we all know, whereas Halloween was marketed mainly toward kids when we were young, nowadays it’s largely marketed towards adults that want to dress up and go to crazy parties. Ladies feel like they can be “slutty” without judgment on Halloween, which results in a wide variety of “sexy” (or this year “sassy”) costumes. However, this often leads to misguided costumes like the abomination above. You are dressed like a crayon. This is just bizarre.
9. American Beauty
I find this costume to just be disrespectful to the American flag — considering that’s pretty much what it is. Girls, nobody wants to sleep with someone dressed as an American flag. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those crazy ‘MURICA hardcore patriots, I just find something about this disturbing. If you want a patriotic costume, why not dress as the Statue of Liberty?
8. Bad Habit Nun
This costume makes me disappointed in humanity. Not only because of the overt sexualization of nuns (which is just completely weird and makes no sense to me), but because this costume is sold out on one of the biggest Halloween websites out there. I am ashamed of all of you.
7. Burglar Babe
Not only are those stripes not slimming, you are dressed as the fucking Hamburglar. That’s right, not just any burglar, a burglar of disgusting McDonald’s meat products. You should aim higher than this. If you want to be an awesome burglar for Halloween, try being Bilbo Baggins instead.
6. TMNT Dresses
All right, so I love TMNT as much as the next person, but this is a little ridiculous. You can find kind of cute TMNT kimono costumes this year, too, which are still kind of weird (sexualization of turtles whaaaat) but much less offensive to my childhood than this. The worst part? There doesn’t seem to be a Michelangelo version. WTF? I’m a Donnie girl personally, but I feel like Mikey is definitely the best turtle to dress like if you’re going to be a slutty mutant ninja turtle.
5. Captain America Corset and Skirt
No. Just no. I think the thing that makes me the most angry about this costume is that Marvel also licensed a really great (albeit shiny) full body women’s Captain America costume this year, too — which goes a long way to prove that you don’t have to be half-naked to be sexy. Not to mention that last year’s American Dream costume was much better designed than either of these. I am all for lady!Cap — but Stephanie Rogers of the 1940s would never be seen in something so tacky.
4. Sassy Rick Grimes
It’s bad enough that women’s costumes have to be sexy versions of different things we enjoy (ninjas, pirates, etc), but now they have to be sassy, too? I find the idea of adding a bloody machete to a costume loosely based on a female sheriff’s uniform in order to make it Rick Grimes from the Walking Dead kind of silly. On the bright side, if you’re a guy, this could be a great Reno! 911 costume stand-in.
3. Sassy Ron Burgundy
Again with the sassy costumes. Why not just make a”Sexy Veronica Corningstone” costume? Oh right, because that wouldn’t be sassy enough. Also nobody’s lady business-suit is cut like that; and if yours is, you have been swindled out of your money. Who even wears a tie without a collared shirt?!
2. Glam Pink Power Ranger
1. Twerkin’ Teddy
This one doesn’t require my commentary. Especially since the people have already spoken and confirmed that a Miley Cyrus costume is the “easiest” costume of the year.
This list, by far, does not touch on all of the really horrible costumes out there for this upcoming Halloween, but it is a great sampling of what not to wear. Join me next time when we look at the 10 best new women’s costumes for Halloween 2013.