10 Worst Women’s Halloween Costumes for 2013

Every year, Americans spend over $6 billion on Halloween. While $2 billion of that is on candy, just as much is spent on costumes. So, it’s no surprise that the industry comes out with new Halloween costumes every year, with plenty of ideas plucked right out of popular media. But along with some pretty great costumes that make their debuts, there are also less desirable and downright horrible costumes that make the rounds as well. With Halloween just around the corner, I’ve decided to compile lists of the best and worst new Halloween costumes making their debut this year. Let’s start with the worst new women’s costumes.


10. Crayola Glitz Crayon

Crayola Glitz Ruby Red

As we all know, whereas Halloween was marketed mainly toward kids when we were young, nowadays it’s largely marketed towards adults that want to dress up and go to crazy parties. Ladies feel like they can be “slutty” without judgment on Halloween, which results in a wide variety of “sexy” (or this year “sassy”) costumes. However, this often leads to misguided costumes like the abomination above. You are dressed like a crayon. This is just bizarre.

 

9. American Beauty

american-beauty

 

I find this costume to just be disrespectful to the American flag — considering that’s pretty much what it is. Girls, nobody wants to sleep with someone dressed as an American flag. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those crazy ‘MURICA hardcore patriots, I just find something about this disturbing. If you want a patriotic costume, why not dress as the Statue of Liberty?

 

8. Bad Habit Nun

bad-habit-nunThis costume makes me disappointed in humanity. Not only because of the overt sexualization of nuns (which is just completely weird and makes no sense to me), but because this costume is sold out on one of the biggest Halloween websites out there. I am ashamed of all of you.

 

7. Burglar Babe

bandit-babe

 

Not only are those stripes not slimming, you are dressed as the fucking Hamburglar. That’s right, not just any burglar, a burglar of disgusting McDonald’s meat products. You should aim higher than this. If you want to be an awesome burglar for Halloween, try being Bilbo Baggins instead.

 

6. TMNT Dresses

adult-tmnt-leonardo-dressAll right, so I love TMNT as much as the next person, but this is a little ridiculous. You can find kind of cute TMNT kimono costumes this year, too, which are still kind of weird (sexualization of turtles whaaaat) but much less offensive to my childhood than this. The worst part? There doesn’t seem to be a Michelangelo version. WTF? I’m a Donnie girl personally, but I feel like Mikey is definitely the best turtle to dress like if you’re going to be a slutty mutant ninja turtle.

 

5. Captain America Corset and Skirt

captain-america-corsetNo. Just no. I think the thing that makes me the most angry about this costume is that Marvel also licensed a really great (albeit shiny) full body women’s Captain America costume this year, too — which goes a long way to prove that you don’t have to be half-naked to be sexy. Not to mention that last year’s American Dream costume was much better designed than either of these. I am all for lady!Cap — but Stephanie Rogers of the 1940s would never be seen in something so tacky.

 

4. Sassy Rick Grimes

sassy-rick-grimesIt’s bad enough that women’s costumes have to be sexy versions of different things we enjoy (ninjas, pirates, etc), but now they have to be sassy, too? I find the idea of adding a bloody machete to a costume loosely based on a female sheriff’s uniform in order to make it Rick Grimes from the Walking Dead kind of silly. On the bright side, if you’re a guy, this could be a great Reno! 911 costume stand-in.

 

3. Sassy Ron Burgundy

sassy-ron-burgundyAgain with the sassy costumes. Why not just make a”Sexy Veronica Corningstone” costume? Oh right, because that wouldn’t be sassy enough. Also nobody’s lady business-suit is cut like that; and if yours is, you have been swindled out of your money. Who even wears a tie without a collared shirt?!

 

2. Glam Pink Power Ranger

glam-pink-power-rangerDID YOU JUST FUCKING RUIN MY CHILDHOOD? Why yes. Yes you did.

 

1. Twerkin’ Teddy

twerkin-teddyThis one doesn’t require my commentary. Especially since the people have already spoken and confirmed that a Miley Cyrus costume is the “easiest” costume of the year.


This list, by far, does not touch on all of the really horrible costumes out there for this upcoming Halloween, but it is a great sampling of what not to wear. Join me next time when we look at the 10 best new women’s costumes for Halloween 2013.

Tiarra Joslyn

For more great sci-fi content, reviews, and a little bit of fun graphic design, check out Tiarra's personal blog, Geeky by Design.

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8 Responses

  1. Richard Cardenas says:

    10 looks like something you would see in a junior dance recital. (I should know, my daughter was just in one with an ensemble that looked just like that.) 9 just looks like a flag exploded on her outfit. 7 just looks horrendous. 6 – 4 and 2 ruined those characters. 3… who the hell thinks ANYTHING Ron Burgundy is sexy? Seriously. 1 is just too easy… in more ways than one. But 8… I’ll be honest, I don’t quite mind 8. I actually think it looks pretty damn good for a costume. But that’s just me. And yes, I know I am going to hell. =)

    • Tiarra Joslyn says:

      I just don’t get the naughty nun thing. It likely would have been something else on this list, but this particular costume was just over-the-top. I also really hate all of the degrading costumes of things like “sexy police officer” and “sexy firefighter” — those are occupations held by both sexes, and the female cut of the uniform looks nothing like that. I find it so disrespectful to the real women who do these jobs. I guess that’s part of the reason that the sexualization of nuns bothers me; they dedicate their whole lives to God and are sexualized in costumes like this. Meanwhile, when’s the last time you saw a “naughty priest” outside of an actual sex scandal?

      • Richard Cardenas says:

        For me, it actually comes from something personal. Back when I was still religious, while going through Catechism for my first communion and then into my confirmation, I had a huge crush on one of the nuns teaching the class. She was really sweet and also happened to be a close friend of the family. Of course, not even I am that depraved to do something towards a nun, but I did always have it in the back of my head as a fantasy.

        I guess that is why theses costumes are as such, to evoke fantasy. But on the flip side, it is sexualizing just one gender more so than the other. In that respects, I am kind of against it. But really, for the most part with the other costumes, I don’t find them that sexy to begin with.

        Honestly speaking, that Captain America full body costume that you linked to is way sexier than the one you show here. And yes, last year’s American Dream was also designed a lot more sexier than this year’s sassy one.

  2. Linzy Allen says:

    I would take that nun costume, lose the habit, put on some combat boots, maybe a little armor, get a crossbow and turn it into a badass vampire huntress costume. But the rest are all hopeless.

    • Tiarra Joslyn says:

      I think that particular repurposing of the nun costume would be great. But as a nun costume? No. Just no.

  3. Iris says:

    The Hamburglar costume made me flashback to a skit on May Contain Nuts (Canadian comedy show) where there was a love triangle between Jared from Subway, Ronald McDonald, and the Hamburglar. I laughed hysterically but wondered how many people in their teens would get it, as Ronald and Hamburglar haven’t been seen in Canada for a while. I’m now thinking it would have been even more hilarious if the Hamburglar dude was wearing that outfit!

  4. Suzanne Taravella says:

    I have the nun costume ,its one day to have fun .. Its a costume people get over it !!

  1. Oct 13, 2013

    […] I discussed the 10 worst and 10 best new women’s Halloween costumes for 2013. Now it’s time to turn our […]

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