Fellow writer and friend Rob Kidman and I both really love Doctor Who. We’ve been counting the days to Crimbo (read: Christmas) and the Doctor Who Christmas special, “The Time of the Doctor.” We also love the idea of combining Malcolm Tucker with the Doctor thanks to soon-to-be-shared actor Peter Capaldi. So, over the past few days, we’ve been leaving messages for each other, glorifying Capaldi’s eyebrows and posting pictures of past Doctors correlating to however many days are left before Crimbo.
Today, with only one sleep left, I appropriated the poem A Visit from St. Nicholas and made it Doctor Who related. So, if you’re bored, can’t wait for more Doctor Who until tomorrow, love The Thick of It, or are just mildly curious, here is my tribute to Rob and Doctor Who. Presenting…
A Visit from the Doctor
‘Twas the night before Crimbo, and all through the house
Not a sound could be heard, save the clicks of a mouse;
The laptop glowed softly as Rob searched the ‘net,
In case ‘The Time of the Doctor‘ spoilers had been leaked by Moffat.
Now, Rob was nestled all snug in his bed,
with his 4th Doctor scarf and his question mark vest;
and a sconic screwdriver in hand and a fez on his cap,
but excited for Who, he simply could not nap.
Outside of his window there arose such a sound
that surely, Rob thought, Chavs were milling around;
but it couldn’t have been, for the sound did distort
and became a quite familiar “VWORP VWORP VWORP VWORP.”
Away to the window Rob flew like a flash,
and tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
When Rob’s wondering eyes searched round the block,
they locked on almost instantly to a blue police box;
and out of it stepped a man, ’twas quite a shocker,
it was Peter Capaldi — the new and 12th Doctor!
“Now listen up, Clara, you fuckwit, this isn’t a dream!”
called the Doctor, “We’ve made it to London right on Christmas Eve!”
But before the adventure could even persist
A BBC lawyer showed up with an order to cease and desist.
So Clara and the Doctor returned to their box,
but not before the Doctor turned and looked square at Rob.
“Well, you twat, don’t just mill about!” the Doctor did scoff,
“Get the fuck in the TARDIS or fuck the fuck off!“